i think what it all comes down to is passion. morals. values. when you decided what is really important in the world..what is important to you. the point when you quit worrying about silly things, like thousand dollar bags, and trips, and how many times you go out to eat a week..and when you realize there’s so much more. more to life. more to people. more to you. when you suck up your pain and hurt for a second and recognize others’. it’s a big step, coming to terms with the horrible stuff that surrounds you—the immense struggle people go through. only when you do this, can you truly enjoy life and be happy. when you really notice the lowest of the low in humanity, you can be in touch with the wonderful, beautiful things that make life worth living.

i need some substance to fill this void. this emptiness. this lack of yearning that i’ve been so horribly stuck with. i need something to make everything feel decent again..

sometimes i wish i could live by the ocean. have it be my backyard, ya know? i think i’d feel connected more to everything around me..i think the ocean does that. you hear surfers and divers and swimmers always say shit like that, but i think it’s really true. i’d love to wake up to the smell—just take a deep breathe and have that wonderful air fill my lungs. so clean, and pure. i’d like to be able to step aside, barefoot, and run into the ocean. just run right in. and have the waves engulf me. and then be able to just go back inside. and then sit. and just stare at it through my glass door (cause that’s what i’d have in this dream of mine). and i could just sit and ponder and think about everything. i adore the east coast and my life here, but sometimes i just think about leaving everything here behind and going to the west coast. how that might be nice. just to live by the ocean. and do that everyday..

brainstorming ideas for my final film project..reinforcing why i entered this field to begin with..i have a story to tell..a point to get across…now i just have to execute that.

con·tra·dic·tion

damn. every thought, every idea i have is opposed with another. so much shit, and so much beauty. so much pain, and so much pleasure. so much suffering, so much joy. so much low, so much high.

stop waiting for things to exist. stop searching for things that you hope are there. stop wishing things were, and make them that way. create them. write what you want to read. mold what you want to see. put together the sounds that you want to hear. fabricate what you want to feel. imagine. design. act.

people you sit on the subway next to. cross the street with. eat next to in a cafe. wait in line behind to buy groceries. work with. go to classes with. jam in concerts next to. sit in the theater with. swim in the ocean next to. stay in the same hotel with, different rooms, only feet apart. their lives may seem so distant from us..like we’re no part of it. and most people like it that way. but, really, there’s not so much between us, now matter the distance. something unique and common among humans, among emotion, among passion, among love, among goodness. ultimately, we all have our struggles. individual, yes, but universal, too. many things are unique to one human—DNA..physcial features, sure..but human emotion and feeling? that’s triggered by soul. that’s triggered by something no one can comprehend. and it’s a beautiful mystery, it is.